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Marriage Issues
Topic Started: May 11 2008, 07:28 PM (243 Views)
Stace
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Q1. A man with a wife and child has an extra maritial relationship and
has a another child.
He has chosen to stay with his 2 "wife" and keep both the children.
What would be the guide for his legal wedded wife ? Should she be
seeking the Lord and pray as Sarah so the Hagar and the child be sent
away . What would be the status ?
Sadly they are all spirit filled Christians. The Husband continues to
do a ministry in another state with this 2nd "wife".

A1. The man can keep the child but he has to live as a husband to only
one wife, the other has to be treated as a sister. There is no room in
the New Testament for polygamy - nor in the law of the land. If he
persists, he is persisting in adultery, which gives the legal wife the
right to divorce him.

Q2. What should the prayer of the 1st wife be. She is in a confused
state at present. She does not wish to divorce him and is staying by
herself. This has been a few years now. I have actually told her to
leave the matter in the hands of the Lord as it is and just rest in
Him.

A2. The 1st wife has the right and if she chooses not to exercise it
(probably still believing that the husband will repent and return),
she needs to be willing to face a future alone. Unfortunately, free
will and free choice of the husband is involved and from the fact that
it has been some years now (plus the fact that the husband seems to
keep developing the relationship with the 2nd woman), as long as she
knows the cost to herself if she chooses to still wait for him to turn
(it is not possible to exercise faith over others where free choice is
involved). The wife needs to know all her options: she can move on
with her life if she so chooses or she can continue to wait if she
still wants to. God does not condemn her in either case as she is the
victim and not the one committing the sin.

Q3. The husband continues to a Church Pastoral Ministry with his
second 'wife'. Is this a right thing ?

A3. Definitely wrong. If the husband wants to keep on with the 2nd
woman, he should sit down with the 1st wife and tell her so (instead
of leaving her hanging). A divorce should then be issued if the
husband wants to keep his relationship with the 2nd woman, after which
he should legally marry the 2nd woman so that he would not live in
adultery. This is not the best solution as the 1st wife suffers the
most but it is the permissible thing to do in an imperfect situation.
As long as there is no legal relationship between the husband and the
2nd woman, his situation is considered adultery.

Q4. A couple ( ie a christian and non-christian) got married in a
church wedding ( traditional church). Relationship got rocky and
divorce has been sought. In the meantime the wife got saved (ie really
came to know the Lord ) What would be her status now. She is really
growing in the Lord now.Sadly both of them to do wish to continue in
their marriages.

A4. As always, they should seek to rebuild their marriage as a first
priority. Marriages are legal even between Christians and non-
Christians. If they grow in love for one another (unconditional love)
it is still possible for the Lord wot work things out.

------------------------

Q: Many parents( sometimes not both of them are saved ) are finding
it difficult to find good Christian husbands for their daughters. The
age of the daughters are also catching up. They are now looking at non-
Christian husbands ( and the Christian party is in agreement with the
hope that the husbands will finally come to the Lord ) . What would be
the Pastoral Stand on this ? Can a church wedding take place ? Is it
right to give a go ahead ? The Christian girl is also due to the long
wait also giving in to this compromise.

A: After the Spiritual World experiences, my view of non-believers
have changed (I saw many Christians with a lot of their hangups were
worse than non-Christians, some of whom were higher in spiritual
development - their love character development - was higher than the
Christians). Ideally, a partner should be two who are walking closely
with the Lord (perfect situation). Obviously, in the case situation
you described (which is also true in some communities and cultures)
the imbalance of either gender who walk with God should not prevent
them from finding spouses outside of their churches. The most
important thing in such situations is that it is made clear to the
potential spouse that they intend to put Jesus as Lord in their lives
and continue growing in Him. Secondly, that the potential spouse
should be of good and sound character (have Christian character and
attributes - although they might not have made Jesus Lord yet).
Thirdly, one can sense spiritual peace in the heart in the
relationship which would mean that potentially their spirits are mean
for each other. Of course, these situations are unique and they apply
to unique situations.

------------------

C2) With regards to the question about a man who left his wife and
entered into a relationship with another woman...You said that the man
was committing adultery and that it would be better for him to divorce
his wife and legally marry the other woman. I don't understand.
Adultery is a sin. The opposite of adultery is faithfulness. The
Bible talks of repenting of sin. I gather the word repent in the
Greek is "metanoia" which literally means to make a 180 degree turn -
too completely turn away from that which is wrong. If this gentleman
where to repent it would mean he would leave his mistress and
reconcile with his wife. This is true repentance.

My understanding is that marriage is a holy institution. It is not a
cut and nail thing. One cannot wake up one morning and say, "Sorry, I
am not attracted to you anymore. The marriage is over." Please
comment.

Please understand that it is NOT better rather it is permissible. The
best is for the man to return to his wife but if he so chooses to
continue his sin, the lesser evil is to divorce his wife and marry the
woman that he is with. This is permissible but not the best nor
perfect. This DOES NOT APPLY to every case. Each case has to be
considered on its own merit. In the case under discussion, the man has
left the wife and is living with the other woman for many years. In
their case (and only in their case) it is permissible (not perfect nor
better) that the man owns up - rather than leave the wife hanging
unresolved. This is more for the sake of the poor wife who is left
hanging because of the sin of the man. This is NOT the recommendation
to every adulterous relationship. The principles to consider in
counselling are: the length of time a couple has lived separately,
whether any children are involved, whether a third party is involved,
etc.

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C3)It would seem that some have taken marriage as a sensual experience
and a means of self-gratification. Then it becomes, "If I am not
getting what I want, then I am moving on." Isn't marriage about the
Lord? And not about self. Some throw in the towel leaving the
children to grow up with a single parent. I also believe that
spiritual leaders must hang in there and trust God even when things
become difficult in marriage for the sake of their hearers. Please
comment.

Marriage is sacred and the union is unto death. We are only dealing
with people whose lives are already broken and sometimes they have
children outside their marriages. The solution is always very
complicated for each case. We have also come across abusive spouses
for whom divorce is better than to condemn the innocent party to a
life of physical abuse. All these are NOT perfect NOR recommended
lifestyles; they are only the administering of possible solutions to
marriages that are completely irreparable. The best is always for
every marriage to be worked out harmoniously between spouses.

C4)As to arguments in marriage...I believe they may happen. I think
it is understandable because two people who are not quite the same are
living with each other. They are one but still express their unique
personalities. Arguments that do not arrive at a place of compromise
or accommodation breed anger which grieves the Holy Spirit. I think
if people would follow after peace and joy then there will not be any
room for anger. (Just by the way, Oral Roberts testified that his wife
Evelyn (who is now with the Lord) never raised her voice at him not
even once). The other partner must be willing to compromise in order
to keep the harmony in the home. Please comment.

Each couple is different but ALL must seek to grow in unconditional
love and resolve their differences.

C5) I also think that both parties of a marriage must be willing to
make the marriage work. I believe marriage is work. It cannot run
smoothly without the effort of the husband and wife. Thus when one of
the partner's slipping the other must travailing in prayer to see the
marriage run again. One must not give up because s/he has been hurt
by the other. Please comment.

Yes, of course, unconditional love must always prevail. However, in 30
years of ministry to thousands of people, I have found that some
marriages, eg. those who father children outside of marriages, those
who are polygamous, physical abuse situations, etc. where the
permissible solution is to allow the divorce (which Jesus correctly
pointed out is due to the hardness of hearts) less the two destroy one
another and their children with it.

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Stace
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In the question below , the scripture principle that is used in ""Be
not unequally yoked together with unbelievers; for what fellowship
hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light
with darkness?" (2 Corinthians 6:14).".

1. Are we violating the scripture ?

The principle of not being unequally yoke with unbelievers still
applies as the principle behind it is righteousness and uprightness of
character. If an unbeliever walks in righteousness according to their
conscience and is upright in character, they would be much better than
a believer who still walks in sin and has a bad character. A righteous
believer marring a sinful bad character believer is still unequally
yoke.

2. Are we indirectly setting a precedent for others if we allow
them to go ahead?

I believe that God ordains two people together by His plans and
predestinations. If we acknowledge that God is also working outside
the traditional church domain, then we have to also acknowledge that
part of His work beyond the church domain includes the marriage of two
people WITHIN the domain of His working. From the Spiritual World
perspective, I understood that there was a large part of God's Spirit
working among the non-Christian domain - much larger than our
traditional Christian view (of course, I was very surprised when first
shown this - I knew that His Spirit was working beyond the church but
did not realise how large the domain was). The answer to this question
is tied to the traditional limitation of our view of God working
powerfully with His Spirit ONLY among those who are what Christendom
would consider the 'born-again' portion of the world (which is very
small in worldwide perspective). Even amongst marriages between two
unbelievers, God's Spirit was also working to bring the right people
together.

3. We also face the usual criticism from the christian believers
as well as the churches around us?

I believe that even by accepting the Spiritual World reality that God
is working among the unbelievers' world is controversial as
traditional Christianity condemns ALL of the unbelieving world as
heathen and the kingdom of the devil. I was surprised after the
Spiritual World perspective to see that God had won the war and the
kingdom of the devil was smaller than what we imagine if we only see
the 'born-again' portion of the world as light and the rest as
darkness. There is no doubt that criticism will come and when the
critics themselves die and go into the Spiritual World, they will then
be surprised by the truth of the real picture of how big God is.

4. The danger of the christian spouse falling from their faith to
embrace the spouse's faith !
(This seems to be the biggest area as there has been instances of this
also)

I believe that if we limit the unbelievers to those who have an
openness to faith in Christ, who walks in righteousness according to
their conscience and who are of good character, there would be more
than enough of them in the sense of holy matrimony. The Christian
potential spouse must make it very clear that they intend to pursue
their walk with the Lord with passion and continuity before the
relationship or marriage. The most important consideration is that the
non-believer has a genuine openness to Christ and the Word of God.
There are those who are directly oppose to Christ and Christianity and
these should not be considered at all as they would definitely be
potential conflict.

5. These are actually real life situations. When the parents do not
give the go-ahead , the children become rebellious.

The Christian parents should meet with the potential spouse and made
it clear that their daughter/son intends to keep their walk with the
Lord and Christianity as a whole - ensuring as witnesses to the future
marriage that this issue has been dealt with before the marriage.

Posted with Permission from Logos Bible School at
http://eaglevision.com.my

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