| Marriage Issues | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: May 11 2008, 07:28 PM (243 Views) | |
| Stace | May 11 2008, 07:28 PM Post #1 |
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Q1. A man with a wife and child has an extra maritial relationship and has a another child. He has chosen to stay with his 2 "wife" and keep both the children. What would be the guide for his legal wedded wife ? Should she be seeking the Lord and pray as Sarah so the Hagar and the child be sent away . What would be the status ? Sadly they are all spirit filled Christians. The Husband continues to do a ministry in another state with this 2nd "wife". A1. The man can keep the child but he has to live as a husband to only one wife, the other has to be treated as a sister. There is no room in the New Testament for polygamy - nor in the law of the land. If he persists, he is persisting in adultery, which gives the legal wife the right to divorce him. Q2. What should the prayer of the 1st wife be. She is in a confused state at present. She does not wish to divorce him and is staying by herself. This has been a few years now. I have actually told her to leave the matter in the hands of the Lord as it is and just rest in Him. A2. The 1st wife has the right and if she chooses not to exercise it (probably still believing that the husband will repent and return), she needs to be willing to face a future alone. Unfortunately, free will and free choice of the husband is involved and from the fact that it has been some years now (plus the fact that the husband seems to keep developing the relationship with the 2nd woman), as long as she knows the cost to herself if she chooses to still wait for him to turn (it is not possible to exercise faith over others where free choice is involved). The wife needs to know all her options: she can move on with her life if she so chooses or she can continue to wait if she still wants to. God does not condemn her in either case as she is the victim and not the one committing the sin. Q3. The husband continues to a Church Pastoral Ministry with his second 'wife'. Is this a right thing ? A3. Definitely wrong. If the husband wants to keep on with the 2nd woman, he should sit down with the 1st wife and tell her so (instead of leaving her hanging). A divorce should then be issued if the husband wants to keep his relationship with the 2nd woman, after which he should legally marry the 2nd woman so that he would not live in adultery. This is not the best solution as the 1st wife suffers the most but it is the permissible thing to do in an imperfect situation. As long as there is no legal relationship between the husband and the 2nd woman, his situation is considered adultery. Q4. A couple ( ie a christian and non-christian) got married in a church wedding ( traditional church). Relationship got rocky and divorce has been sought. In the meantime the wife got saved (ie really came to know the Lord ) What would be her status now. She is really growing in the Lord now.Sadly both of them to do wish to continue in their marriages. A4. As always, they should seek to rebuild their marriage as a first priority. Marriages are legal even between Christians and non- Christians. If they grow in love for one another (unconditional love) it is still possible for the Lord wot work things out. ------------------------ Q: Many parents( sometimes not both of them are saved ) are finding it difficult to find good Christian husbands for their daughters. The age of the daughters are also catching up. They are now looking at non- Christian husbands ( and the Christian party is in agreement with the hope that the husbands will finally come to the Lord ) . What would be the Pastoral Stand on this ? Can a church wedding take place ? Is it right to give a go ahead ? The Christian girl is also due to the long wait also giving in to this compromise. A: After the Spiritual World experiences, my view of non-believers have changed (I saw many Christians with a lot of their hangups were worse than non-Christians, some of whom were higher in spiritual development - their love character development - was higher than the Christians). Ideally, a partner should be two who are walking closely with the Lord (perfect situation). Obviously, in the case situation you described (which is also true in some communities and cultures) the imbalance of either gender who walk with God should not prevent them from finding spouses outside of their churches. The most important thing in such situations is that it is made clear to the potential spouse that they intend to put Jesus as Lord in their lives and continue growing in Him. Secondly, that the potential spouse should be of good and sound character (have Christian character and attributes - although they might not have made Jesus Lord yet). Thirdly, one can sense spiritual peace in the heart in the relationship which would mean that potentially their spirits are mean for each other. Of course, these situations are unique and they apply to unique situations. ------------------ C2) With regards to the question about a man who left his wife and entered into a relationship with another woman...You said that the man was committing adultery and that it would be better for him to divorce his wife and legally marry the other woman. I don't understand. Adultery is a sin. The opposite of adultery is faithfulness. The Bible talks of repenting of sin. I gather the word repent in the Greek is "metanoia" which literally means to make a 180 degree turn - too completely turn away from that which is wrong. If this gentleman where to repent it would mean he would leave his mistress and reconcile with his wife. This is true repentance. My understanding is that marriage is a holy institution. It is not a cut and nail thing. One cannot wake up one morning and say, "Sorry, I am not attracted to you anymore. The marriage is over." Please comment. Please understand that it is NOT better rather it is permissible. The best is for the man to return to his wife but if he so chooses to continue his sin, the lesser evil is to divorce his wife and marry the woman that he is with. This is permissible but not the best nor perfect. This DOES NOT APPLY to every case. Each case has to be considered on its own merit. In the case under discussion, the man has left the wife and is living with the other woman for many years. In their case (and only in their case) it is permissible (not perfect nor better) that the man owns up - rather than leave the wife hanging unresolved. This is more for the sake of the poor wife who is left hanging because of the sin of the man. This is NOT the recommendation to every adulterous relationship. The principles to consider in counselling are: the length of time a couple has lived separately, whether any children are involved, whether a third party is involved, etc. ----------- C3)It would seem that some have taken marriage as a sensual experience and a means of self-gratification. Then it becomes, "If I am not getting what I want, then I am moving on." Isn't marriage about the Lord? And not about self. Some throw in the towel leaving the children to grow up with a single parent. I also believe that spiritual leaders must hang in there and trust God even when things become difficult in marriage for the sake of their hearers. Please comment. Marriage is sacred and the union is unto death. We are only dealing with people whose lives are already broken and sometimes they have children outside their marriages. The solution is always very complicated for each case. We have also come across abusive spouses for whom divorce is better than to condemn the innocent party to a life of physical abuse. All these are NOT perfect NOR recommended lifestyles; they are only the administering of possible solutions to marriages that are completely irreparable. The best is always for every marriage to be worked out harmoniously between spouses. C4)As to arguments in marriage...I believe they may happen. I think it is understandable because two people who are not quite the same are living with each other. They are one but still express their unique personalities. Arguments that do not arrive at a place of compromise or accommodation breed anger which grieves the Holy Spirit. I think if people would follow after peace and joy then there will not be any room for anger. (Just by the way, Oral Roberts testified that his wife Evelyn (who is now with the Lord) never raised her voice at him not even once). The other partner must be willing to compromise in order to keep the harmony in the home. Please comment. Each couple is different but ALL must seek to grow in unconditional love and resolve their differences. C5) I also think that both parties of a marriage must be willing to make the marriage work. I believe marriage is work. It cannot run smoothly without the effort of the husband and wife. Thus when one of the partner's slipping the other must travailing in prayer to see the marriage run again. One must not give up because s/he has been hurt by the other. Please comment. Yes, of course, unconditional love must always prevail. However, in 30 years of ministry to thousands of people, I have found that some marriages, eg. those who father children outside of marriages, those who are polygamous, physical abuse situations, etc. where the permissible solution is to allow the divorce (which Jesus correctly pointed out is due to the hardness of hearts) less the two destroy one another and their children with it. ----------- |
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| Stace | May 11 2008, 07:45 PM Post #2 |
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In the question below , the scripture principle that is used in ""Be not unequally yoked together with unbelievers; for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness?" (2 Corinthians 6:14).". 1. Are we violating the scripture ? The principle of not being unequally yoke with unbelievers still applies as the principle behind it is righteousness and uprightness of character. If an unbeliever walks in righteousness according to their conscience and is upright in character, they would be much better than a believer who still walks in sin and has a bad character. A righteous believer marring a sinful bad character believer is still unequally yoke. 2. Are we indirectly setting a precedent for others if we allow them to go ahead? I believe that God ordains two people together by His plans and predestinations. If we acknowledge that God is also working outside the traditional church domain, then we have to also acknowledge that part of His work beyond the church domain includes the marriage of two people WITHIN the domain of His working. From the Spiritual World perspective, I understood that there was a large part of God's Spirit working among the non-Christian domain - much larger than our traditional Christian view (of course, I was very surprised when first shown this - I knew that His Spirit was working beyond the church but did not realise how large the domain was). The answer to this question is tied to the traditional limitation of our view of God working powerfully with His Spirit ONLY among those who are what Christendom would consider the 'born-again' portion of the world (which is very small in worldwide perspective). Even amongst marriages between two unbelievers, God's Spirit was also working to bring the right people together. 3. We also face the usual criticism from the christian believers as well as the churches around us? I believe that even by accepting the Spiritual World reality that God is working among the unbelievers' world is controversial as traditional Christianity condemns ALL of the unbelieving world as heathen and the kingdom of the devil. I was surprised after the Spiritual World perspective to see that God had won the war and the kingdom of the devil was smaller than what we imagine if we only see the 'born-again' portion of the world as light and the rest as darkness. There is no doubt that criticism will come and when the critics themselves die and go into the Spiritual World, they will then be surprised by the truth of the real picture of how big God is. 4. The danger of the christian spouse falling from their faith to embrace the spouse's faith ! (This seems to be the biggest area as there has been instances of this also) I believe that if we limit the unbelievers to those who have an openness to faith in Christ, who walks in righteousness according to their conscience and who are of good character, there would be more than enough of them in the sense of holy matrimony. The Christian potential spouse must make it very clear that they intend to pursue their walk with the Lord with passion and continuity before the relationship or marriage. The most important consideration is that the non-believer has a genuine openness to Christ and the Word of God. There are those who are directly oppose to Christ and Christianity and these should not be considered at all as they would definitely be potential conflict. 5. These are actually real life situations. When the parents do not give the go-ahead , the children become rebellious. The Christian parents should meet with the potential spouse and made it clear that their daughter/son intends to keep their walk with the Lord and Christianity as a whole - ensuring as witnesses to the future marriage that this issue has been dealt with before the marriage. Posted with Permission from Logos Bible School at http://eaglevision.com.my |
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2:14 PM Jul 11