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| paper mario story; my try at a paper mario story! | |
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| Topic Started: May 3 2007, 02:52 PM (55 Views) | |
| The loser | May 3 2007, 02:52 PM Post #1 |
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Level 2
  ![]](http://209.85.12.237/static/1/pip_r.png)
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my try at a story! note:() represents yoshi talking one day, in mushroom plains, mario and yoshi were happily picking mushrooms and fire flowers along with other crops. all was good until toadsworth came with a look of worry on his face. "What's wrong toadsworth?" said mario. "thecastlethecastle,wearebeingattacked!" said toadsworth hurriedly. ("slow down") said yoshi. toadsworth took a deep breath and said "the castle is being attacked, please hurry!" mario grabbed a few more mushrooms and quickly sped off. After a couple couple of minutes the y could see the castle in the distance. they immediately knew something was wrong because they could see dark, foreboding clouds in the distance. when they finally arrived, they saw many dead koopas, toads, and many others. they were thinking what happend when suddenly they heard a loud scream"HELP"they quickly ran towards the voice. please tell me what you think plz! |
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<a href="http://www.armorgames.com/"><img src="http://www.jmtb02.com/scribble/3482.jpg" width="350" height="150" border="1" /></a> <a href="http://www.armorgames.com/"><img src="http://www.jmtb02.com/banners/59239.gif" width="100" height="100" border="0" /></a> | |
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| Sharpe | May 3 2007, 09:04 PM Post #2 |
Looking through a glass onion...
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Pretty good but not very detailed. Flesh it out more and add more description. |
 ALBEL'S PROFILE ALBEL'S INVENTORY | |
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| The loser | May 4 2007, 04:39 PM Post #3 |
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Level 2
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ok i will i will write 1st chapter when i have time P.S. (pizza is good) |
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<a href="http://www.armorgames.com/"><img src="http://www.jmtb02.com/scribble/3482.jpg" width="350" height="150" border="1" /></a> <a href="http://www.armorgames.com/"><img src="http://www.jmtb02.com/banners/59239.gif" width="100" height="100" border="0" /></a> | |
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| Sapphire Flame | May 4 2007, 04:57 PM Post #4 |
Remember that you are unique, just like everyone else.
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Yeah, you might want to use proper spacing and english. Pretty good, but pretty short. |
 Serkane's storage Stormrider's talons- at belt Blue gem Orange gem Melana's storage Modified handgun- at belt Light amulet- around neck Ezkuro's storage Battle axe & sword- around belt Blacksmith's hammer- In pack. Lillith's storage Mage's staff- On back Ice ring- wearing Dagger- Concealed in clothing. Relkor and Shade's storage. Blade of darkness- At belt 
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| Utada Tenshi | May 4 2007, 05:20 PM Post #5 |
Level 4
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1) Capitalize, please. 2)In dialogues, each time the person talking changes, a new line should start. This is from someone who has experience in the writing area. |
| <a href="http://z4.invisionfree.com/glasswind/index.php?showtopic=192"><img src="http://www.boomspeed.com/starlight/antilabel1.gif"> | |
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