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I can't.; Nope. I can't.
Topic Started: Apr 4 2014, 11:24 AM (180 Views)
Deveraux Dixon
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Love is cursed by Monogamy
My breakdown yesterday, among several other things that have happened both recently and culminated over the years, has indicated to me that the effort I'm attempting to put forth does not appear to be worthwhile in the least. I can effectively say that I've become apathetic towards the idea of attempting to discuss this rationally, mainly because I do not feel that any real weight or value is being assigned to my words or my opinion, or just my presence as an individual here in general. I have persisted for as long as my nature will allow, and I have reached my wits' end.

There are a lot of things I would like to say, but most of them are mostly hurtful and cruel and unnecessarily mean - some of them are things that are not my story to tell, or my right to reveal, and so I won't. I will only speak for myself in this post, as opposed to acting as a bridge - a job that I seemed to assigned myself despite not being effective in that role. For that I apologize.

I am leaving. That is my final decision on this matter. Before this gets too negative, I am leaving links to where I am going, because if anyone on this site (everyone included) would like to RP with me there, I welcome it. Elliquiy, as I've stated before, is where I'm going. The below links can only be accessed once you've been accepted as a member (about 72 hours). Ziven is my username, and you can feel free to PM me to ask any questions about how things work or how to start going about things. If you're unsure about joining and you have questions, I can be contacted via email at: straight.zivens@gmail.com

This is the thread where I've re-created EoM, if anyone is interested in pursuing old character plots with me. If you have any questions or suggestions about how this works or how to better improve the structure I have set up, I implore you to post in the OOC thread and let me know.

This invitation, again, is extended to any and everyone interested - even if you'd like to RP something with me that isn't EoM related, that's also fine. Elliquiy allows for that as well. Feel free to direct anyone there if there's still no activity here.

I will periodically be visiting for the sake of grabbing some character information, and perhaps re-posting a few key threads over there. After that, I will be deleting things from my Manor and shutting down my account. I recall that Dinah's preference is to keep things around for people who may stop by to read through, so if the site is staying up I see no reason to hinder that.



Now that the information part is taken care of, I will be leaving a personal message.

To Dinah
Edited by Deveraux Dixon, Apr 4 2014, 11:39 AM.
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Dinah May Anderson
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As you have made up your mind I can only wish you good luck in your endeavours on "E".

Everything else I could say would probably be a waste effort and only drive our blood pressure up more than a hobby is worth.
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Deveraux Dixon
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Love is cursed by Monogamy
Post what you wish regarding your opinion. I'm sure I could hazard a guess in any case.

But I am replying to clear up the "afterthought" commentary. In my personal opinion, I don't see a way to fix our problems besides finding another website host and moving. That's just how I see it. I set things up tentatively on E just so that I could figure out how things would work, and then began asking people what they thought.

Perhaps this wasn't the best way to present things to anyone. But at the time it's what I thought best to avoid not only confrontation, but having my ideas nixed before it got off of the ground. I'm sorry if it felt to you to be the "afterthought" to invite you, but I can assure you that I put a lot of thought into the decision of doing things in the order in which I did them.

I emphasize that it's not a party yet. The thread has no posts on Elliquiy. It's not open for use yet. That being said, I would enjoy even roleplaying consecutive one-shots over there with Modrid, Jules, Shar and anyone else willing to join than I think I will ever enjoy posting anything here from this point forward.

I can apologize for my actions perhaps not being in the correct order, and I do. Profusely. But I do not regret my suggestion to move, and I stand behind it even if it was not executed in the most thoughtful way. This place has become akin to poison because of how it was run in the past, and how it seems that will not change in the future; and I am no longer immune.

Location of our RP is not important to me so long as it is NOT HERE.
Edited by Deveraux Dixon, Apr 4 2014, 11:46 AM.
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Dinah May Anderson
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I would like to reply to this, but I hope you will forgive me for not replying to every single poinht you raised, and instead take a broader brush to the picture, so to speak. I do not intend to argue over each and every word, and neither do I intend to put anyone in my shoes. But what I do intend is to ask for your undertsanding. If you understand and still move on that is your choice and I can relate; sometimes I have a difficult time dealing with myself, so why shouldn't you?

When this forum was created it was intended as a stop-gap meassure, something just to fill the time till Rhea resolved whatever had shut down the original Proboards EoM. So Mordid and I (and she did an amazing job there digging up old information and getting things together) just created a place for everyone to come together and preserve what was.

When it bacame clear that this would become our home for more than just a few days or weeks I figured it would be a good opportunity to deal with some inconsictencies I had seen on EoM, especially the mix of sci-fi, fantasy, and modern elements in one site. So I tried to create a framework everyone still around could interact with.

And somewhere along the road I strayed into being an asshole at times.

I had a vision in my mind for the framework of the site and the setting, but perhaps I never made that clear enough, trying to balance between an attempt to accomodate some people and trying to put my own stamp on the site. In a way perhaps I should have been more "dictatorial", set things the way I wanted them to be (compared to the old EoM) and make it a "take it or leave it" choice, At least that would have put things out in the open. But instead I wobbled and wavered and sometimes listened, sometimes did not, instead of opting for either a firm hand on the wheel or a complete democracy with me just dealing with the technicalities of the forum.

Without knowing it I maneuvered myself into a Catch-22 where I felt I could either accomodate people so they would be happy while abandoning my own take of the site (which I thought was a decent idea), or assert myself and alienate people by doing so.

All I ever wanted to do was provide a framework, a sandbox for people to play in. I thought we were all in a general agreement (even if unspoken) what that sandbox should look like, and so I put forth may understanding of it, sometimes without listening too closely what others had to say about it. When that "vision" was challenged I sometimes reacted harshly because I was surprised that what I thought of as a shared vision was challenged. Certain things felt like a personal assault because I had assumed everyone would be in the same boat and therefore it felt personal, like something directed at me, even if it was not.

I know it might well be too late to make a new start here, but I hope you all can at least accept my apology for being an asshole at some times in the past. I have dealt with many of you badly, and for that I am sorry. Not all of it can be explained by what I said above, but I hope at least part of it can be.
Edited by Dinah May Anderson, Apr 12 2014, 02:03 AM.
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