Welcome Guest [Log In] [Register]

City Directory

Karma Thread

Previous Announcements



Link to full-screen Cbox
This site is mostly for people who already know about it. But new members are welcome. If a forum member has told you about this site, go right ahead and jump into the fray. You should know what to expect. If you have just stumbled upon this site somehow, please be aware of the following:

Some forum content may be of a "mature" nature, and could include sex, drugs, and violence. It doesn't happen constantly, but neither is each and every single post always"child friendly". If any of that offends you - stay away, or at least talk to people in the cbox a bit before joining. It might help you get a better idea what happens around the site.

By registering you agree to abide by the Forum Rules

Username:   Password:
Add Reply
Modrid Brennan vs. The World (Of EOM)
Topic Started: Apr 6 2011, 08:58 PM (185 Views)
Modrid Brennan
Member Avatar
Loving Dead Girl
WARNING: The title is a joke. It is in no way to infer that I am at war with anyone.

OKAY, so from the beginning, in my own, very civil words, and from what I remember.

Chronologically, and since I outed Lucian and Dratz, I guess I will start there.

I remember having limited access to the internet at the time and being on YIM back in September? Or October. I remember having Lucian initiate a conversation in which he felt Brinley was overpowered. I definitely remember him saying (now, I may be misquoting, but it was something to the effect of: ) "Brinley's overpowered and annoying, and no one wants you around because of it." AGAIN - I'm probably misquoting, but that's what I got from our conversation. Either Dratz was online with him or they were together I cannot remember, but I recall Dratz agreeing. At the time, this thread was being posted. I was directed to it through Lucian as a "we're all talking about overpowered characters" sort of thing. HENCE, Ruin popping on mid-thread and ranting, because, based on that conversation, I believed the thread was about me. I have since apologized for my freak-out, but the insult still remained.
"People didn't want me around."

So, I decided, after being told that the thread was about someone else, or about characters in general, that I'd give it another go. I had perhaps over reacted and that was that.

Coinciding with that, Modrid had begun her departure from Lucian (this had nothing to do with irl conflict) and when everyone caused an uproar - even Aislinn, who generally stayed out of "character drama" told me to "shut up and go back," (not trying to insult her, I actually thought it was funny) so, Modrid did.

A few months later, same thing. Not from Lucian or Dee, who have since that incident have made NO mention of that event, and in the thread I've referenced, Dee had piped in with:
Quote:
 
To my knowledge no one has told you to your face that you are "un wanted"


which struck me a little odd, because I could have sworn that was the implication. I perhaps was mistaken? I'm only citing from memory from almost six months ago now.

But yeah, same thing happened. Just a random "don't want you RPing with me anymore." So, I was stung, naturally.

Then, I'll admit, the other day with Pocket neither of us were in the best of moods.

I had started talking to him in Skype about a power play, as he had asked me for them before, I thought my request would be fine. It appeared to me, that he had an answer for everything which frustrated me to no end - he had given me essentially a "resist and die, or do something non-character like and live." I had mentioned it to him that it bothered me a little.
My example to him, as I've seen him discuss it in cbox log today "how I bashed Hunter's RP style" was that Hunter had something for every scenario just kicking around the house, and it made it very difficult for me (and I'm sure others) to respond to him.

IE: Ruin runs to the door, but collapses because as a new werewolf, she can't handle all the strong scents and loud noises.
Pocket: Hunter grabs a "werewolf strong leash and muzzle" from his tool kit in the truck, shifts and hits her in a full on run, slapping the collar on her and dragging her back to the original scene.

During our Skype conversation, I alerted him to the fact that Ruin was already non-resistant because she hadn't even made it to the door. However, because of his character's action, he left me no choice, if I'm keeping Ruin in character, to at least muster the strength to bite or jump on him.
His response was "fine, but there's no way he'll let her near his throat."
Again, based on my previous mention of me finding it difficult to work around a character so impervious to failure, I got upset. I can't remember the specifics of what I had said, but we got in a heated arguement and I, as a defence mechanism, gave up, and told him to "fine, shoot her, do want you want, you always do anyways."

He then proceeded to tell me that he didn't really like writing with me anyways because he didn't like the character (but I don't think he gave specifics why, he might have). I got very upset then, as I had spent a few months writing a story with him that I had thought he enjoyed, even helped me on AURN and in a few Shopping posts, all to find out it was a waste of time - that he didn't really care for it at all. (my opinion of what I remember, not trying to start a new fight)
This upset me because - REGARDLESS of my character, I care about my writing. I put in effort and thought into my posts, I really try to get into my character's head (mind you, I sometimes think too fast for my fingers to type).

And Pocket, you're absolutely right, I didn't read your play. I was never linked to it or offered to read it. But when you had brought it up after my tirade about being an author, I thought, "hey, I'll search this up." From the webpage I had read, it appeared to me that several others got the same award as you, as well as a few others who had received other awards by the same company.

AGAIN - I'm not trying to start another fight. I just feel like we all should be on the same page.

And as far as me thinking my time is more valuable than Pocket's? I never said it was, or wasn't. I do not think I am the most fantastic writer on this site. FAR from it, actually. But as I said, I put a lot of effort into my writing, and I hate to think of my RP with Pocket as a "waste of time."

Now, onto today.

I know not everyone is going to love me, or my characters, and I am totally okay with that, aside from this current thread. What happened today with Cursico was he had said something that obviously struck a cord with me, based on how I had an altercation revolving around Ruin.

What escalated from that, was unfortunate. Dev telling me to "chill" upset me because that's what everyone says to me no matter how upset I am, or appear to be. It bothered me because I had thought my anger validated by being told by (..... three?) people in the past two weeks that characters that I had were not liked. I had tried to explain that,
Quote:
 
Yeah but you and seventeen thousands other people have brought up character flaws and the like "in a non aggressive way" this week and all of them were unwanted opinions.

Granted, my seventeen thousand was an extreme exaggeration, but it should have shown why I had gotten upset at Cursico.
Quote:
 
NO, it's not just "one opinion" though. If it WAS, I wouldn't care. But everyone and their dogs has some opinion they feel they need to voice to me this week about my characters or my writing or me in general and I'm sick of hearing it.


To make matters worse, it had appeared to me anyways, that Dev was defended Cursico, which is fine, but it upset me because well... No one defends me, when I have a point to make.

I am sensitive about my writing, and though Dinah felt the need to continue to talk about this whole thing, I would have calmed down about it. No matter what I say, or have said, or will say, I'm always going to appear this "high and mighty drama queen" on EOM. I have issues, like most people, with wanting to be liked and this week was a bad week for feeling liked, it seems.

There. That's my side. Essentially, I just HATE getting dicked around. I've probably left things out and if that's the case, it was NOT my intention.

NOTE: IF MY MEMORY WAS INCORRECT, FEEL FREE TO CORRECT IT, BUT NOTE THAT I AM NOT REPEATING ANYTHING IN THIS POST TO START ANOTHER FIGHT. I would like a CIVIL discussion. I would NOT like to leave the site, but will, ultimately. And NO, this is not a "say sorry to me and I'll stay!" thread. This is a "I'd like to air out the grievances I have and get concrete answers before I decide if writing my characters here is a good idea or not" thread.

-winces as she hits "Post Topic" and awaits the (assumed) impending onslaught of doom-

Modrid Brennan: Everyone's Favourite Brand of Poison
Plotnotes updated frequently

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Deveraux Dixon
Member Avatar
Love is cursed by Monogamy
Quote:
 
To make matters worse, it had appeared to me anyways, that Dev was defended Cursico, which is fine, but it upset me because well... No one defends me, when I have a point to make.


This is an example of what frustrates me the most about you.

I know that's not the best way to begin a post, but I assure you that I'm not here to deliver an onslaught of doom or bash you in any way. Now, to prove my point: I can totally agree with everything that you've said, and I've pretty much been aware that you've been upset about Lucian and Dee's commentary.

However, it's not as though you've only been upset about those instances and the one including Pocket. Most of the time that I've been online, almost anything said about, concerning, or at least seeming like it implies direction at your character has caused you to freak out. I'm not going to quote or attempt to, but I remember several instances where I, Eva, Dinah, Ilz'trak and a few other people were present that a comment not meant to be taken personally. In these instances, you complain about no one liking your characters or wanting to interact with them and refuse to be persuaded otherwise, even going so far as to accuse Aislin and Shar of being 'preferred' on the site and comparing them to you.

I have several problems with the above attitude, which happens almost every time that one of those explosions occurs.

1) This makes people not want to respond to you at all. This keeps happening. Not that you're not allowed to express yourself, but when it gets to the point where you're breaking down and saying that no one cares about you - you're telling other people how they feel, even those you haven't asked. It's not fair for you to go around and accusing others of feeling a certain way around you simply because of some dickish comments that other people may have made. This also makes people not really want to talk to you, especially if they're worried that they might be included in a rant of some sort later.

2) You refuse to be encouraged. Again, you're allowed to just vent feelings of anger if you want - that's fine. But when you talk to someone specific about it or post in the Cbox (which is full of people who are trying to conduct conversations with one another), it implies by default that you want someone to respond or someone to listen. If not, you can post rants in the General Board. You've done it before. But instead, you post there, and when someone tries to be caring and listen you simply insist over and over that no one cares and people only RP with you when you're willing to to sex them and etc., etc. It makes them tired of listening because they feel like they're not getting there. And believe it or not, people want to make you feel better, Modrid. Because people do care about you. But you push them away when, despite your efforts, you insist that you're nothing and the site wouldn't notice if you were gone, etc., etc.

3) What you're saying above sounds well and dandy and logical - but you are not this logical when you are upset. It's the truth. And it's frustrating to hear you say things like this now and know that you're capable of rational thought, and then watch you throw it out of the window later when you're upset. You get some leeway with this, because you're certainly allowed to be upset, but you tend to hammer it in. You're really extreme when you're upset.

4) You say that you want people to be honest, but on the flipside you don't respect their right to be silent or inactive. This has been demonstrated by your assumptions that people don't like you or don't care simply because someone didn't comment on a thread that you made in the Away Board or similar things. You've already admitted to being sensitive to what other people say. So if someone is trying to take your feelings into consideration by not posting or saying something - which may not be the case; for all we know, someone could be on vacation, busy with other stuff, or something like that - it's not fair at all to assume that they don't care.


Basically, what I'm saying is that - no one is upset about any of the things that happened between you and Dee, or you and Lucian, or you and Pocket - a lot of us don't even know what's been going on with you and other people. It's the stuff in between, the carrying over of those feelings into arguments or outbursts in reaction to things that weren't meant to be harmful. And those things aren't things that make people dislike you or hate you; but they help contribute to the miscommunication on your end around the site.

I also want to say, I'm aware that it takes two people to start a fight, but I can't account for every single argument you've ever been in because I don't know them all.
Edited by Deveraux Dixon, Apr 6 2011, 09:46 PM.
Posted Image
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Deveraux Dixon
Member Avatar
Love is cursed by Monogamy
I also wanted to add, in a separate comment from the above, that I can also see some of the reason why you would feel defensive. Indeed, I don't think that those comments should have been made about you, and despite the fact that you feel like no one ever defends you, I do. I talk to people and tell them to try to empathize with you often.

Assuming things never makes anyone feel good. About anything. Just because you don't see something doesn't mean it's not happening.
Posted Image
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Lucian Yale
Member Avatar
Memory-less Lycan
Quote:
 
"Brinley's overpowered and annoying, and no one wants you around because of it."
I am going to put this quote straight. I did mention about Brinley being overpowered during this conversation many months ago.

However I NEVER said that she was annoyed nor did I say that no-one wants you around because of this fact. I hate to start conflict above anything else. I would not insult another character's player like this, it's not like me at all.
Posted Image
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Dinah May Anderson
Member Avatar

Quote:
 
Dev telling me to "chill" upset me because that's what everyone says to me no matter how upset I am, or appear to be.

Modrid, whatever you think people mean when they tell you to "chill", I strongly doubt they mean that you should just shut up or want to offend you in any way. More often than not "chill" can be just a shorthand for "why not take a step back, take a deep breath, and look at things with just a little less emotion". Your emotions can run pretty strong, and sometimes your emotional reactions appear rather spontaneous to an outside observer. So when people feel you may be reacting too strongly to what doesn't look to them as that much of a problem, I think it's only natural for them to try and suggest that reviewing the situation a bit more calmly might be a good idea.

Taking that figurative step back might also allow you to do something that I believe most people should do more often: Ask for clarification. Ask "did you really mean XYZ, because that's how it sounded to me". Quite a few problems can arise (and not just in your case, mind you) because of misunderstandings. I know I have certainly exploded a few times in my life about things that I just swallowed the wrong way, so to speak. It is difficult to do in the cbox, especially when a lot of people are on and conversations are moving fast, granted, but there's always PM or IM.

And before you get me wrong, you know that I understand some of your grievances very well. So no, I am not saying that your grievances are all just rooted in misunderstandings, or could easily be solved by just talking about them. But it might help to defuse a few situations before tempers run too high. (And gods know I should have heeded that advice a few more times in my life, so I know it's not always as easy as I may make it sound.)

I may have more to say later, but right now lack of sleep is getting a little to me, and I didn't want you to wait forever for.
Posted Image
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Fallin and Muro
Member Avatar

I can't remember a couple of months ago. TBH I can't remember last week, ~still currently having memory blanks~.
In all honesty, I don't see why something that happened beyond memory is even worth arguing about now. Can't you just 'get over it'? Move on, be happy?
No one in their right mind would ever tell anyone on a forum to 'get lost'. No one wants to lose anyone to the internet, we're all friends here one way or another.

I don't have much more to say. I'm honestly kinda hurt that 'out of the blue' (from my point of view) you've suddenly flared up and are really pissed off at me. I don't know what I've done and it's really upsetting me.

I don't know if what I've said here is offensive or not, I'm too tired to know, I'm just giving my point of view :(

[Dratz]
Edited by Fallin and Muro, Apr 7 2011, 06:33 PM.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Deveraux Dixon
Member Avatar
Love is cursed by Monogamy
So...is this going to be a discussion, or should I just delete my commentary? It seems rather pointless for people to post if we're not going to talk about it, because not talking about it what got us in this pickle to begin with.
Posted Image
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Modrid Brennan
Member Avatar
Loving Dead Girl
Hello everyone!

First of all, I'd like to say "thanks!" - and that was sincere and not sarcastic at all, despite the fact it might read that way.

I had taken a few days break, popping in now and then to read the thread, and I'm pretty sure I'm okay to respond. I was waiting to see if more people would respond (if not, fine, if so, alright) that way I could tackle everyone at once (but in a friendly, civil tackle. Not a vicious football tackle).

@Dev - I really appreciated your fast response, and though I still feel in some regard that Ais or Shar may be preferred, or in some small measure that writing sex-threads are like bees to honey, I am working to overcome this. I admit this will still take some time, but I'm learning that perhaps my personality shines through too much in cbox and this is what makes Shar or Aislinn preferred. I seem to be the generator of drama, I very much see this now.

@Dinah - you pretty much hit the nail on the head with the misunderstandings and the like. My ex, before he started abusing me, used to say that I "jumped the gun" a lot. -sighs-

@Lucian - I was pretty worried actually that you wouldn't remember. I'd feel pretty crazy. (Well, crazier than I already do). Like you, I do not face-to-face or, in our case, IM/PM to IM/PM conflict. I know it is wrong of me, but I prefer to have a "buffer" of people around me. Confidence in numbers, I guess. I know it's wrong, trust me. But as I said, I had only reacted to what I remember, and I still do remember something like her being overpowered, like you said, and that "this makes people not want to play with me." I'm sorry to say it, or to say it again, but this is what I remember, and I'm sorry if my memory is skewed.

@Dratz - For the most part, I have moved on. I've figured since then that you guys hadn't mentioned it again and I thought if I keep Brinley away from you guys it wouldn't come up. Apparently, that's worked :-\ But that feeling of being told off like that stings, especially when Brinley was an approved character in the old EOM - and we had established that the overpowered characters would remain as such because Dinah's rules would not be applied retroactively. Yes, I chewed out Pocket, but not for being overpowered. Pocket has no powers to hold over Ruin despite his age as a werewolf lending to stronger abilities, more control, etc. and I was not contesting that.
What has made it stick in my head so long, as normally I'm not one to carry a grudge at all!, was the fact at how it was done - ie. the timing of it. I was moving. There was a thread. Out of the blue, you both complain about Brinley. To find an analogy of what it would be comparable to.... hmm... Well, it'd be like your best friends, or lover, saying to you that they don't like you as much as you like them. It sucks, it stings, and it sticks with you. Hell, my buddy and Nyssa's player broke up six months ago over the exact same thing and the friend is still hung up about it more than I am about this.

I think I'm rambling. I'm not too sure... so forgive me if I am. I've recently discovered how happy I am after a good hour of cardio.

Modrid Brennan: Everyone's Favourite Brand of Poison
Plotnotes updated frequently

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Deveraux Dixon
Member Avatar
Love is cursed by Monogamy
I'm not quite fond of you using labels on yourself like "generating drama" [and I'm sure that Dinah would agree to the labels things, lol - from personal experience] and you referencing your ex - who was/is a douche waaaaay more importantly before being right about ANYTHING - I am glad that you're not upset or yelling or offended or anything like that. *sighs happily*

As long as you understand that, despite arguments or disagreements, we still care about you (or at least, a large number do), I'm good on my end. :3 I can't really say much else, because you did respond to me.

If you have any questions about how I feel about anything that we've talked about, simply feel free to ask me.
Posted Image
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Dinah May Anderson
Member Avatar

Mod, you do realize that you are being more defensive in your opening paragraphs than you should be? You don't have to walk on eggshells. I think we already know that you are not a troll who stirs up trouble for trouble's sake, so I would assume no one here will take offense at a few innocent words like thanks or tackle.

That said, I agree with Dev that there are people here who do care about you. Some may do so less than others, some may care very little, and some may care a lot. It's like this everywhere. I wish it wasn't so, that we could all be super-best friends, but everyone has people they care for a whole lot, some they consider as just acquaintances, and some they don't pay much attention to at all. Sometimes those "circles of friendship" overlap, and sometimes it's easy to wonder why you are close to some people, yet feel not part of the "club" they are in. I believe it may happen to all of us, and that some people might just not let it show as much as others. It's the same as the clubs and cliques that form in school, in a workplace, or any other environment where more than two people interact with each other.

In the end you will have to find the people you like - and who like you back - and form the important relationships with them outside of EoM, be it through PMs, on IM, Skype, or whatever other option there might be. That is where it counts. This site is, in the end, a vehicle for writing, escapism, and entertainment to many who show up here. Some people might just not respond to some of your OOC posts the way you expect because to them this site means something different from what it means to you.

Don't get me wrong. I am not saying you should keep all personal matters away from this site. But EoM is - in the end - primarily a roleplaying/writing forum, so I guess what I am trying to say is that you should keep your expectations low and rather be positively surprised when you get a reaction to some of the RL things you post, than setting your expectations too high and feeling disappointed too often as a result.

Please also note that I am talking about personal relationships here only. There are one or two people I had off-forum altercations with in the past, but I would still like to write with them here at some point.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous)
« Previous Topic · General Discussion · Next Topic »
Add Reply