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A rant
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Topic Started: May 23 2011, 01:23 AM (90 Views)
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Dinah May Anderson
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May 23 2011, 01:23 AM
Post #1
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I am getting tired of this site in oh so many ways, but the one thing that most makes EoM a burden to me these days is that it no longer offers an escape to me.
I often hear "I come here to escape because my real life sucks" from people.
I come here to escape too. My real life sucks too.
But what may make me different from some other people here is that I do not need to get into character to escape. What I need is a nice friendly place where I can just hang out. Dinah, Cassandra, Angela, Albert... they are all characters I use to write with. The writing is important to me, but it's only writing and posting. Those characters are not my escape. They are just characters I write.
But whatever I say or suggest or advocate is constantly opposed, constantly picked apart. This site is my escape - not the characters I play here.
I want to have an escape too, and my escape is this site, not getting into a different head, not being someone I am not. The thought of "I was only being in character" is completely alien to me, because I am who I am and that's who I am. My escape is the computer, not the character. My escape is not being someone I am not, it is having a place to spent time at that is not the place my real life is.
I am not sure if that explains anything, but even if not, I still had to get this off my chest.
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Ilzt'rak
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May 27 2011, 03:43 AM
Post #2
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Probably not the most welcome addition to the rant thread but I do understand what you are talking about. Never in any rp that I have been in (and I have been in one too many) have I ever personified my character, have I ever made someone who is "me" in order to compensate for difficulties in life. I have had characters I write fade in and out of my muse and I have even done improv exercises with Marie where we interact as characters we have written, but the latter was always centered on working through writer's block or just reliving old writing experiences we had together.
For what it is worth, I am sorry that you are going through that frustration. I do not think it is as alien as it may have seemed at the time you wrote this but I cannot really speak for anyone but myself. I hope things settle a bit for you so that you can get back to the writing you enjoy.
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Mod is my LA Asari: she is ageless, vibrant and she makes my Mass erect.
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Deveraux Dixon
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May 27 2011, 10:20 AM
Post #3
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Love is cursed by Monogamy
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[The following is just my perspective on the subject. I am not in anyway saying that the replies above me are incorrect or malformed; we all have different experiences in RP, and they lead us to form different ideas about how things should work, and how things *do* work for us.]
tl;dr Well, since Ilz replied I'll go ahead and reply.
I'm 50-50 on this one.
I don't make characters who are "me" or take their endeavors personally as my own explorations. I don't get offended when they are offended, and they don't represent me personally online.
However, I am a writer, so I immerse myself in my writing. It's just how I do it. When I read a book, I don't think of it as "Oh well I, as a person, am reading a book. I'm scanning the page, reading this paragraph..." That's ludicrous, to me. When I'm reading, I immerse myself in the book. It's telling me a story and if I'm not a part of that world, then I'm not present.
When I'm here, I'm not [insert name here] as Dev--I'm Dev, in the sense that my person doesn't literally digitally exist and I am not a character in the world of EoM. It's not possible for me to exist in the world of EoM because EoM's world isn't the one I live in. I first came here to RP--not to get to know other people, not to make friends or find a shoulder to cry on or anything like that. When I find a roleplay site I go there for roleplay. I have other places I go and other people I talk to in IM and all that for if I need to express concern with RL stuff.
But making friends with players is kind of unavoidable, if you chat about yourself every now and then (because everyone can't be in character all the time, and it's boring/not very motivating to just post in threads and never talk about anything else but your character. Again, I am *not* my character, so that can get frustrating fast and make you feel like you're in a bit of a cage) and find out that yourself in other players have things in common, live not too far from each other, etc. I've benefited a lot from talking to people OOC, and I've made a lot of friends that way! Gotten lots of numbers, gained two--not one, two!--penpals and EVEN made a trip to visit someone else on the site in their hometown!
But when I'm here, this is an RP site and roleplaying takes the most priority for me. It's got nothing to do with me literally being Dev or any of my other characters; it's just that if I wanted to talk about something important to me IRL, I wouldn't disrupt other people's flow on the site (that is, under the assumption that others operate like me, which it seems the two people posting above me at least do not) just to attract attention to my problems. I'm closer to some people than to others, and there are very few people on the boards as is that know anything about my personal life (I wouldn't need a whole hand to count it) so sharing it on a site made for tons of people who can roam around and see my business is just a no for me. Also, it's not fair to make other people feel unimportant by making a thread/posting in the General Board or the Cbox, for example, that can only be inclusive of people who know about me. It alienates others. What am I going to do? Snipe and snarl at everyone who offers an opinion because they "don't know me"? It just seems like a set up to make *someone* feel unimportant or left out, and that's why I don't do it. Also, what if I were to post something and no one wanted to comment at the moment or I brought down the mood. Then I feel alienated and people feel pressured to care when in fact--quite honestly--they might not.
What is the first thing you do on EoM? You don't give your real name, you don't list your real age (for the most part) or your occupation or try to get the same information from others--you make a character. That's what you do first. That right there, to me, is the indication of what takes priority on this site. If you happen to get close to someone, sure, that works. But the main purpose of being here is to write a fictional story involving other people. Fictional meaning not real life, and not YOU.
In addition to that--there are some people I just don't like here, and they're not my friends. Sorry. I hate to say it that way, but it's true. That doesn't mean that I won't be nice to them or hold friendly conversations with them or RP with them, but they either rubbed me the wrong way personally directly or indirectly, or they've shown themselves to be inconsiderate (from my perspective, of course) or something like that. Not that opinions about people can't change (and for me, negative impressions of several people have changed into positive ones AND viceversa since my introduction to EoM), but it doesn't just happen overnight, and I like many other people base my interactions on how I feel about people at that time and not how I *might* feel in the future. In other situations, there are people I'm fond of but don't know very much about or aren't that close to. But that has to to with discretion as well--no one just waltzes into a site and drops all of their personal info for future reference, because they "might" want to talk to you about something personal later on. Compatibility is important, as much as it may contribute to "cliques" and things of that sort, because you don't just describe yourself like that to any and everybody.
EoM is not the only place I go to online. I am multitasking when I'm at the computer, so the idea of having a whole conversation OOC that isn't in IM or via email is foreign to me. Perhaps I've just gone to crappy sites over the years, but I've never had an experience online where IC and OOC were *not* separated--and there was a specific place for people to talk about OOC stuff, while the rest of the RP site was made for RP. If the main point of the site was to RP, it makes sense that the majority of the site is made for that. And even then, when people posted OOC stuff, it was with the understanding that the site should not be their main source of relief from RL problems and that there was a large chance that they might not get a lot of replies. I didn't write my letters or packages or plan my trip out of state on EoM, so there's a clear divider of how much RL is too much on a site that isn't completely RL to begin with.
So I'm in the middle, here.
I can see your frustration, Dinah--and by extension yours as well, Ilz--because melding with your character with your personal identity brings a lot of complications especially on a fantasy site. It limits people's capacity for playing with you because while they might be nice to you IRL, for example, perhaps someone's character hates yours and you take it personally? It's just not a level plane of thinking to compare yourself to a character who isn't you, and to whom things can happen that cannot happen to you, etc.
My escape is the computer, yes, but that escape is made up of multiple things--IM, facebook, reading news articles, sending emails, writing fanfiction, talking to people associated with the previous activities, and EoM--so EoM doesn't bear the burden of being the outlet for my personal stuff. The act of RPing--the brainstorming, the planning, executing the plots, writing threads and discussing possibilities and results with other people--that's my escape. Not literally being my character. People's players can become part of that escape--but for me, once I start talking to you about RL stuff, it's no longer related to the site--because I would never want to see personal information that I'm not prepared for the whole site to see up on EoM--so it needs to be taken somewhere else. (as I've been saying, IM or email)
Being IN character and being MY character are two different things. The former is possible. The latter, no.
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Dinah May Anderson
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May 27 2011, 02:59 PM
Post #4
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- Deveraux Dixon
- May 27 2011, 10:20 AM
[The following is just my perspective on the subject. I am not in anyway saying that the replies above me are incorrect or malformed; we all have different experiences in RP, and they lead us to form different ideas about how things should work, and how things *do* work for us.] ...
So I'm in the middle, here.
I can see your frustration, Dinah ... because melding with your character with your personal identity brings a lot of complications especially on a fantasy site...
My escape is the computer, yes, but that escape is made up of multiple things--IM, facebook, reading news articles, sending emails, writing fanfiction, talking to people associated with the previous activities, and EoM--so EoM doesn't bear the burden of being the outlet for my personal stuff. The act of RPing--the brainstorming, the planning, executing the plots, writing threads and discussing possibilities and results with other people--that's my escape. Not literally being my character. I know I am seriously abbreviating what you said, but I hope you will find it in your heart of hearts to forgive me for that, but you employ so many time-honored rhetorical devices in your post to such great effect that I would be at a complete loss if I tried to address everything you said in full.
But I do not "meld" with my characters. I thought I had made that clear when I said - Dinah
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But what may make me different from some other people here is that I do not need to get into character to escape My escape - when it comes to RP sites or the internet in general - isn't too different from what you describe. In fact, the brainstorming, planning, writing is something I can very much identify with as part of my escape from what I want to escape from. Or rather it would be, if people here gave me a chance to do just that - plot, plan, get involved. For a time that happened, but that was months ago. (I am sure you'll know what I am talking about.)
I know I sometimes piss people off, sometimes royally so. Sometimes that's just me being cranky, sometimes it's just people taking things the wrong way. But my impression is that - more often than not - people jump to the conclusion I am out to get them. The solution could be as simple as asking "what's wrong with you?" and me answering "RL sucks. Sorry for taking it out on you and the site". It wouldn't require any major exchange of RL information whatsoever.
I am no god, I am not super-powerfully perfect, I am not Mother Theresa or Ghandi. I have my problems and I carry them around with me, even when I should leave them behind.
So I am torn here too. I am torn between raving and ranting about my real life in a place where no one may give a shit, or just soldering on the best I can and seeing that attempt falling short of my goal.
What would you say I should do? If I take it off-site not many people will know what motivates me, but if I take it on-site I will burden everyone's escape with my RL BS. Whatever I do, I think nothing I do will be right.
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Deveraux Dixon
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May 27 2011, 03:33 PM
Post #5
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Love is cursed by Monogamy
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How I would deal with it:
Just talk to people in IM or PM about it, or post a thread letting people know what's going on but don't expect too much? I mean, to a certain extent that's what I do online--except my life doesn't really suck to the point where I have something serious to post. It's kind of like facebook, in a way--you can post stuff but don't expect to get likes or have a million comments. It's supposed to be the act of writing or typing it all out, the venting, that's releasing--not having other people comment. I understand having others identify with you will help, but we don't really have the number of members here that guarantee that at least one person will identify with you. There's no easy answer for this, in short. You just have to use your discretion to discern when people are likely to be in the mood and when people aren't, I guess. Sometimes even in IM you can tell when another person doesn't want to hear about your issues or problems.
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Ilzt'rak
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May 27 2011, 04:44 PM
Post #6
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Ahh Dev, you misread me with this. I was not trying to add to the rant at all. I have nothing to be mad about or upset about here at all. I was simply trying to extend a bit of positive energy to Dinah. Much like yourself, when I encounter a frustrating situation, I tend to deal with it in ways that do not impact my writing (and I try to let people know when I cannot write because of a situation making a certain mindset or post type too difficult).
Edited by Ilzt'rak, May 27 2011, 04:46 PM.
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Mod is my LA Asari: she is ageless, vibrant and she makes my Mass erect.
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Dinah May Anderson
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May 27 2011, 08:25 PM
Post #7
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I will respond to this ometime soonest, bu not when I am in serious need of sleep. I am sure my reply will piss of some people, so I have to figure out whom I want to piss off, or if I really shoud open up or not, but I if I piss of Dev, what will be left?
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Dinah May Anderson
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May 28 2011, 04:15 AM
Post #8
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After sleeping on this I figure no measured response will work. I could talk a a lot about my real life, how it informs my attitude online, but I doubt it will put matters to rest. Not after what I said earlier is so obviously and blatantly ignored.- Quote:
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But whatever I say or suggest or advocate is constantly opposed, constantly picked apart. I thought that was obvious enough, but apparently it wasn't - or is ignored on purpose. What I said there was mostly aimed at you, Dev. You have to insert your opinion into everything. And I am getting rather tired of it. Your need to inject your opinion into everything is getting on my nerves, and saying that you only posted here because Izzy did reply is just a pretty lame excuse, especially so at a time when I thought the whole matter had settled down and tried to be as nice as I could in the cbox. But BAM! you have to hit me with a big fat rant just when I thought things had calmed down a bit. And don't you tell me the rant was just an "optional" read. Posting it at all makes it pretty clear that it is part of what you wanted to say.
I should have told you this directly a long time ago, but the reason I did not do so was that I was afraid that if I pissed you off you would take half the site with you if you left. But no more. With your constant antagonism, being on EoM has become a burden to me. So feel free to post here IC to your heart's content, feel free to goof around in the cbox as much as you like, but if all you have to say about how this site is run - or my person - stop constantly telling me how you think things should be done or how I should act. It's either that or you run the site, and you already told me that you do not want to do the latter.
I have enough of that in real life with a job that pays well and that I have held on to for ten years - and which I have thought about quitting for two years or so now. In parts because the work sucks, but in a much larger part because the woman I work with is an asshole and a control freak. Working with her is becoming more and more impossible. She always has to take control of everything, but is happy to heap on me the work she doesn't like or want to do, then expects me to do it by the time she choses without any regard of whatever else I may have to do, because I should have done that yesterday. She acts as if the whole damn show belongs to her, when we are supposed to be equals, while she also does a terribly good job of playing nice when it suits her, so I can never be certain who is with her and who isn't. That is, except from the people who tell my "I admire you for holding out so long with her". There is a lot more to this than I can sum up in a moderately-long paragraph, but the gist of it is that I am rather tired and burned out by people who tell me what I should do, or how I should act, or what is important.
(I know the above is a bit of a messy post and jumbled, but I am rolling like ten different drafts into one here and my mind is still spinning, but I think the above still sums up well enough what is in my heart, even if it doesn't sum up what should, maybe, be on my mind.)
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